50 Shades of..... WTF am I reading??

~~~~~~****Spoiler Alerts Abound****~~~~~~~

There's been a lot of chatter lately about 'housewife porn' trilogy 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. Now let me start by saying- I am not usually one to jump on the proverbial bandwagon. Not my thing. For instance movies that get huge hype... not interested. Here a few specific examples: Titanic, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Twilight (blech!), Magic Mike (altho the scenery looks nice in that one)... That said, I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but I bought it. I mean, I bought all 3 books at once. Okay- I am ashamed. I'm better than this, really. But loneliness does strange things to the psyche I suppose and so here they are in their fantastic gray glory.

Incidentally, I'm never sure if it's 'gray' or 'grey' because according to spellcheck they are both spelled correctly. Ironically the word spellcheck is showing up as incorrect. But I digress, I am getting off topic. If anyone can clear up the gray/grey thing, that would be great. Thanks.

Anywayyyy..... I understand the preface of this. Here is this dude, Mr. Grey, who has some seriously freakish control issues and he's got this thing for trussing woman up and smacking them with riding crops and such. And he insists on written contracts with all his trussed up woman to obey to play his little game. And now he's got this thing for this plain-Jane-clumsy-as-I-don't-know-what college chick. Now, this story sounded good in theory especially for a woman whose husband is 8,000 miles away for the next 5 months. Some straight up somewhat acceptable 'entertainment'. So I open book one, and it begins, and right away I'm thinking somewhat aloud... 'WTF is this shit?!' Much like Cookie Monster being served a plate of vegetables. What high school kid wrote this drivel? Let me tell you all, it is written in first person from Ms. Steele's point of view, and I find that utterly obnoxious. Just my opinion, but this is my blog so deal with it. And what do I care if Katherine wants Nyquil? And since you mentioned it why didn't Anastasia Steele give Katherine any damn Nyquil. I mean you asked if she wanted it, and then got busy fussing with your jacket and never gave it to her. Why bother asking her in the first place. This annoyed me, and I believe I was only on page 2 of the book. Already I am struggling with the inane b.s. of each paragraph. The blushing, the flushing, the biting of the lip, and Ms. Steele's ums, uhs, ers, and later on her arghhhhs when she gets smacked with a riding crop. I want to grab the damn riding crop and smack E.L. James across the knuckles for typing this. While I'm at it, I would like to beat the hell out of the little demon inside me that said- yea buy it- you'll like it. Idiot. Who says arghh anyway? I mean, is she a freakin pirate?? Arghhh matey! Thanks fer smackin me snatch with a riding crop? Perhaps she should have screamed 'Parlay' and asked for Cpt. Sparrow, Saavy?

Basically, so far, this is crap. Good preface, crappy writing. Really crappy. And yet I spent money on this crap, so now I feel obligated to finish it while I loathe and resent every lip bite this chick makes while kneeling in Mr. Grey's 'red room of pain'. Not only is Mr. Grey '50 shades of fucked up' but apparently so am I for reading this. Whatever. I'll keep you posted because I'm sure you're all keen to hear the outcome, and that way you won't have to waste your own time reading it yourself.

Saavy??