Miscellaneous Doo-Dads and Such...

I've been trying to blog for several days... but unfortunately each blog train would derail. I am lacking the ability to stay on topic. At the same time I need to blog... call it blog back-up if you will. So in light of this... here's what I've come up with.... if you continue to read you shall be deluged with random crap  including but not limited to, the weather, cats, chick-fil-a, bearded goats and free-range pigs, the ass-farm next door, and God knows what else.

I took the kids to Chick-Fil-a tonight and it was delicious. Haters gonna hate and owners gonna make- money that is. The sammich was nom the fries were good. The service was good. I did not go to make a statement, I went because it was delicious. And that is that. Politics and crap like that can kiss my proverbial ass. I have always felt apathetic towards politics and politicians and the like. Too many two-faced, closed-minded, back-stabbing people who seem to need hyphenated adjectives to describe them all rolled in to the mix. Even with my husband in and out of the military... still I am apathetic. Basically they all piss me off and this year I find myself less apathetic and more... generally pissed off. Wait, that was sort of redundant. Whatever. At least I admit my redundancy.
Whatever... moving on... while on our way out to the infamous chicken place we drove past our 'neighbor's' house. I use the term neighbor loosely. We live in the country... neighbors are few and far between although I do live next to the ass-farm- hey perhaps they breed politicians there... just a thought. No, no politicians, just donkeys and cows and that damn rooster that thinks it's cool to cock his doodle do at 2 in the morning. wtfreak. Anyway- Where was I? Oh yea... so we were driving down our little podunk country road and I had to slow down because... wth is in the 'rednecks' front yard?? I suppose I should preface this. See- their yard is dotted with crap, random sheds and outbuildings, a dude living in a travel trailer in their side yard, tires, furniture, buckets, boxes, ... well really the list is endless. And don't get me started on their immediate next door neighbor. We've concluded that this woman is attempting to talk to aliens by placing random crap in her yard and changing her display every few days... damn. I wasn't gonna go there... but there it was. Back to the rednecks though. A few months back we noticed the free-range chickens clucking through the yard. And a little while after that the pigs showed up. The pigs where in a pen... with a sign out front that read... pigs for sale. Ok. Cool. I like bacon. Whatever. This place is not a farm... it is a house with maybe a half an acre attached to it. But here's these pigs for sale. Cool. And then one day the pigs where chillin in the front yard next to the 35 mph speed limit sign chewing on the grass and being all like snort and stuff. okayyyy. We've moved from free-range chickens, to free-range hogs, and then tonight. Well tonight I hit the brakes, because what I saw warranted a look-see. A bearded goat with horns.

kinda like this with less water and more mange

There he was, chewing on some grass right next to the road, and I was like what the hell? What the what? Like, couldn't he just walk off and head butt something or someone? Couldn't he get the crazy neighbor's plastic helicopter that she duct-taped to the fence post stuck in his horns. Yea... she did that. A repeat for her really. I liked the rotary phone duct-taped to the hood of her truck soo much better. And yes, it's her. We've seen her out there doing it. Anyway- highlight of my day right there. You take what you can get when your social life has been reduced to visits with your x and his wife while swapping kids.
But this is really my own fault... and I know this. I ooze awkwardness. The other day I posted a lil blurb about Annie Walker from 'Bridesmaids'on my fb page. I do so love her and that movie, because I really felt like- oh my gosh- it's me. Even though Kristen Wigg is much younger and skinnier than me, and the character obviously was not married and didn't have kids. But the awkwardness- the basis of her personality. The whole like- wth am I doing? Lord, I am such a dork. Social gatherings lead me to think a lot of crap to myself like that- like why the hell did I say (fill in the blank)? and why the hell I am wearing these jeans because my muffin-top is hanging out and everyone else's boobs look better than mine, and wow, I'll bet she spends hours on her hair cuz it looks so nice. I feel like a boob. Why am I the tallest person here? Do I have food in my teeth? Did I just drop the f-bomb inappropriately? omgosh... did anyone just see me trip over my own feet? gahh... my palms are sweating. Why must they sweat? Why is that person looking at me like that? Stop judging me okay?... because I am way too busy judging myself.
And speaking of judging... I want to bitch about cat people. I'm not setting out to offend, and if you're a cat person you may want to stop reading here and now. But dammit man. I have a cat. She goes outside and comes in at her leisure. She eats mice and voles and moles and rips the legs off lizards and maims snakes. That's alright. If she drops dead tomorrow, I will find another cat on craigslist or on the side of the road or whatever. Sure we'll miss her, but ya know, they're kind of a dime a dozen. They multiply faster than rabbits. I just read a post on fb today... something to the effect (or affect- I never get that right) of please donate money to me to help pay for my 16 year old cats vet bills. Hello, what? The damn thing is 16, why in the name of Sylvester and Tweety are you going into debt for it? Put it to sleep. Put it out of it's misery. I'm sorry, I really don't understand this. A dog, maybe. But a cat?? Would you also like bereavement leave from work when it does finally kick the bucket. Because it will, you are just prolonging the inevitable. I just wanted to get that off my chest. Didn't make my chest much lighter. Damn boobs.
My wine cup is empty... moving on... Cheers!