Helicopters, HoppaChoppas, and Potty Training, Oh MY!!

Morning peeps and freaks! A beautiful Friday morn here in the country. Had to wake the Diva-Princess up this morning, and she was none to pleased about that, but dang it was 9:30 and seriously girly get up. She's making us pay for my insolence now though. She is perfecting her stink eye, I can feel it burning into the side of my face. Should make for an awesome day. Mini-man, who has informed me that he is 'just a guy' is tearing his coloring book into tiny pieces and then dropping said pieces onto the floor and yelling 'looooook! hopperchopppper!!'
Get to da Choppa!!!
Couldn't help it. The coffee is quite tasty this morning. The cream of wheat was hot. Too hot according to the Diva-Princess. She was very angry about that. But then consider her mood. I do enjoy the occasional bowl of cream of wheat, but it must be brown sugar with maple syrup in it. delish. Peanut butter and bacon sammies are also tasty. Don't hate. They are nom. It's bacon people, how can you go wrong with bacon? Don't turn your nose up at me. It is truly amazing. For reals.

Moving on. So here's what's up. These tiny people are just a few short months away from turning 3 and I'm quite... well... stuck. The subject is, potty training.... and we'll get back to that in a bit.... because my mother came over and I had to pretend to be Martha Stewart for like the entire afternoon. Ok. Not Martha Stewart, but I had to make food, and clean and do mommy things and look like I don't spend my entire day on this computer. Which I don't. Not the entire day anyway.
So now it's late and the day is done, and I remember... I never finished writing this. The wine is flowing freely now and I am still pondering potty training. I don't remember this crap being so hard with the older boys, but then life was different. Divorce, and work, and babysitters, and perhaps I really wasn't the one that actually potty trained them, the sitters were.... and dang they didn't get paid enough for this shit. I want to poke myself in the eye. So we buy the 'potty dance pants'... commonly referred to as pullups and I'm thinking yea, they will be uber excited to wear these and have Disney characters on their little dupas. I even bought regular under-guchies thinking the same thing. Fail. 'I don't want to wear the potty dance pants Mommy.' Any clue how hard it is to put an item of clothing on a child when said child does not want to wear it? So I was like... okkkkayyyy. How about naked time? They can run around naked and they'll be like hey I don't want to pee/ crap on the floor, let me do this in the potty. Fail. Mini-man was horrified. He screamed like I dipped him in acid. And now he tells me things like, 'put on my diaper Mommy, I don't want to pee on the floor/ on your bed/ on the porch/ in the yard.' To which I respond, ok then pee in the potty. At which point he tells me--- 'NO, I CAN'T!!!' The Diva-Princess pretty much responds the same way only a bit less vehemently. I stupidly attempted to reason with these midgets about why they feel they can't. I mean they follow me to the toilet every time I go so they fully aware of what is supposed to happen. Mini-man tells me basically 'I don't wanna put my butt on the toilet'. Diva-princess responds with squeals, looks adorable, and then changes the subject.

I lost patience today and walked away only to have Mini shut himself in the pantry and proceed to crap himself after which he opened the door and announced to all and sundry- 'I made a stinky poop! Change my diaper Mommy! Change It!!!' This happened today. Grandma thought it was hysterical. Me- not so much. He knows what he's doing. He knows where he supposed to do it. He. Just. Won't. Stubborn little turd.
I'm not looking for advice folks. Just venting. It's a long and frustrating road to under-guchie land, and there are so many obstacles along the way. Mostly my lack of patience and a serious feeling of inadequacy as a parent though. Those are the biggest hurdles. As long as they can wipe their butts by kindergarten I figure I'm good, so that gives me a bit more time.
Get to da chopppa! The diaper's about to BLOW!