too damn much.... an un-proofread blog

Sweet music is flowing tonight in my ears. Mostly because I just found my mp3 player that's been MIA for quite some time. Well that's partly why. The other part is this... there is too much.

On the surface that sentence appears completely incomplete. Perhaps. But trust me when I tell you, it is incompletely complete.

Too much anger, too much pain, too much resentment, too much crying. I haven't been able to write. It just won't come out. I don't know that it will here either, but it's a start.
Too much responsibility, fear, anxiety, illness, emptiness, loneliness, darkness.
When does a body have enough? For a while I felt like I was trudging onward. Soldiering on. Shrugging it all off. But the fact of the matter is this, I've been soldiering on yes, but burying feelings underneath a facade of cheerful cynical sarcasm- if such a thing exists. So basically sweeping the important stuff under rug because it's too much to deal with. And this last week, for whatever reason the too much really has become too damn much. I'm screaming at children, and cutting myself off from everyone because I hurt. I remind myself of a wounded animal. I'm just going to sit over here looking all pitiful (blogging) but don't touch me or I will freaking bite you and give you rabies.

And the really pissy part? I'm just dealing with every day life. And yet I'm struggling. I'm drowning. Currently considering drowning myself in this bottle of wine. Although I know I will just wake up with a headache and the continued 'too much responsibility'.

I seem to have misplaced my boot straps. Probably because I broke the heal off my boots just the other day....

Screw the boot straps. I need something a bit more substantial. A lifeboat? A tow strap?

*insert cheerful cynical sarcasm here*

yes, well, I prefer to be alone anyway.... apparently.