An interesting read?

Diaries are awesome! That is the truth. Look at Anne Frank's- her diary sold like hotcakes and was made into a movie... a couple times over. They are full of truths and dreams, disappointments and tears, confessions and obsessions (some of the stalker-like variety- not that I would know. Looks thata way --->). A book filled with handwritten pages about one's life, and last night I found 4 such books hiding in a box in my closet. These books spanned over 15 years of my life... from the age of 12 on. I opened the first and began to read my 12-yr old girl scribble scrabble, and immediately LMAO. WOW! How lame was I? How completely obsessed with boys, how insecure, how lonely I felt, and how grown I thought I was. It was hysterical. At the back of one book was a list of boys names and I how I 'loved' each one. Girl, let me tell you something, at 12, 14, and 16, love isn't love- it's luv. It was like reading someone else's words. Who the heck was this immature obsessed young girl, and why did she let all these boys treat her like crap, and why did she blatantly walk away from the guys (using the term loosely) that were good to her, and why the hell does she do nothing but talk about guys anyway.... she's so dang young. I laughed because it seemed so long ago, and then I started to remember these things this girl was writing about. These trials, these mini-heartbreaks, these hopes. I remembered them like they happened yesterday, not 20+ years ago. I realized that even though these things I wrote about were not earth-shattering, mind-numbing painful experiences, they were my experiences. This person broke my heart, and that person broke my trust, and this other person made me feel bad about myself. And then there was the embarrassing stuff, and the events, and the things people said, and the movies I saw and who I saw them with. But mostly it seems as though I was just boy crazy. The following statements jumped out at me repeatedly and seemed quite ridiculous:

~I've never felt like this before

~No one cares

~I'm confused

~I love (fill in the blank) {Incidentally- these were the most ridiculous statements- I have had only one great love in my lifetime and that is my husband. Whatever happened before him was ridiculous foolish nonsense including my first marriage}

The point here is that even though I laughed hysterically at my naive, immature, innocence, and boy crazy obsessions from 15+ years ago, those things that I wrote about actually happened and those people were part of my life and in some way that stuff has actually shaped the person I am today. And now here I sit blogging about writing in my diary... and that I find to be ironically hilarious, don't you? No. Well, alrighty then.

I had intended this post to be humorous, but as usual of late, I am missing my witty-ness. So I have an assignment for those that read this. Did you keep a diary? Do you still have said diary and would you be willing to share something humorous from said diary with me? I think it would be nice to know that I wasn't the only one suffering from teenage bipolar schizophrenia and raging hormones.



P.S. Do not attempt to zoom this pic and read the words that are written. It could be dangerous to your health. Yes, that is actually my diary, but no, I'm not feeling brave enough to share actual excerpts yet. Quite, quite embarrassing...... :D

Cheers!

A window into my lost eloquence....

I used to be eloquent. My use of expensive words was well known, even lauded by my close friends. Then the twins became toddlers.... and now I use words like... poopy, handy, papey-towel, tubby-bath, boo-boo-owie, sissy, and bubby. 
I used to be witty, funny even, producing my own brand of gut-busting humor. I am serious when I tell you I could make you pee yourself with laughter. Then the twins became toddlers, the days are full of poopy diapers, temper tantrums, timeouts, sibling rivalries, and the like. I have found that these things seem to be sucking the wit and expensive words straight from my brain like some brain sucking aliens despite my intense intake of caffeine. 

These things have become blatantly obvious to me what with Sgt. Dad's absence from the house. If you've never experienced deployment, you can not possibly understand this. I don't mean that to sound nasty or rude, truly I don't. But it is true. And this isn't even a true deployment in the military sense. Sgt. Dad chose to go over there to keep food on our table. I won't lie- the money is good, excellent even. He can not find employment stateside that would ever pay this much. This is good. It pays stuff off, like car loans, and mortgages (of which there are many in our case), and it feeds and clothes the kidlets. I am thankful for this man, and his commitment to take care of our family. He amazes me everyday. 
That said- I shall be launching into a whining tantrum of my own of sorts. This totally sucks. Since this is my second go-round I speak from experience and current suckiness. I tried telling myself I was used to this. I have done this before, therefore this should be no big deal. FAIL. I was wrong. I don't think one can ever get used to this. There is a constant worry sort of niggling in the back of my mind. And then I sit and ponder all of the things he is missing with our kids. And then comes the anxiety... what if this happens, what if that happens, how do I do (insert whatever) by myself. And ultimately there is straight up missing him. Like gut-wrenching, painful, missing him. It's like that. It actually hurts.
Now that I have whined, I shall proceed to share what things I have learned through this experience, because I am certain you would want to know. First, and foremost- I am apparently stronger than I ever knew, both emotionally and physically. Second- and almost as important- I have learned that I MUST swallow my pride and ask for help when I need it. Help comes in many forms and comes from places and people I never expected. Those are the most important lessons I've learned. 
In addition, their are several smaller, perhaps not as important, lessons that I have learned. Let me share some of those with you to enlighten you:
~The old adage is true- if ain't broke, don't fix it. And by broke I mean completely useless. This lesson is especially important in regards to my car, which likes to do strange things at inopportune times- like stall out, or rev all by itself, or break window switches. But I still get where I need to go and that's what counts.
~If any child is ill, I will inevitably get ill and therefore should have a constant supply of vitamins and medicine on hand because no one can just run out to the store and get them for me.
~If the cat is not in the house, the basement door should be closed because even though the dog never goes down there when I'm watching- he will go down there in the middle of the night and eat her food thereby making me believe that the cat has a dang tapeworm. Dork.
~BJ's is an excellent place to shop for diapers and wipes and milk. However, it is not a good idea to purchase things like bulk fresh fruit and vegetables, because, let's face it, the kids are not big fans of said things, and I can only eat so much broccoli before it goes bad ya know. P.S. shredded cooked broccoli does not make a great quesidilla filling- the kids figure it out before eating it.
~The toilet only gets clogged when he isn't home. btw- you should invest in a good plunger and know how to use it. Also, you should know where it is at all times, and make certain all children know it is not a 'silly hat'
~Cheese, crackers, and carrot sticks are a perfectly acceptable meal option for toddlers. Of course, too much cheese and you will have to counteract it with some raisins, or in my youngest son's case, mandarin oranges. The less time you spend on dinner, the happier they are. Truth.

These are just a few valuable lessons. I have also learned that I seriously need a real hobby other than the internet, and that sometimes I need a break and a babysitter, and that it's okay to have a glass or 2 of wine at night after the kidlets go to bed. It is how I cope, how I survive and I am okay with that and don't care much what others think.
So despite my missing eloquence and usual snappy wit, the sarcasm still remains, and I am learning new things every day. For instance today I learned that if you spill the powdered cheese from the box of mac'n'cheese onto a hot stove burner it sorta smells like vomit, and that is not cool. I am though- cool that is- at least in my own mind.
Cheers folks!

What are you lookin' at?

Really? Don't you have something better to do? Wait, I'm sure you do, but since you are here let me fill this space with some obligatory rant. First let us be clear, I am NOT Martha Stewart, I would Never win a mother of the year award or even be nominated for one. My house is a disaster, I don't like arts and crafts, my children could use a bath at the moment, and I am currently watching them shove peanut butter and jelly sammiches in their mouths while I type this... cuz honestly nap time is getting shorter and I don't get much other free time. Was that a run on sentence? Whatever. I actually don't have a point today other than to introduce myself to whoever may happen upon this page. I need an outlet to rant about things and this is it. There are 4 children in this house (Smarty-Pants- 11, Booger-Butt-10, Prissy-Pants-2.5, and Loki- the demon child- also 2.5), 1 smelly old hound dawg, and a bitchy cat who enjoys chewing the heads off of small animals, and then there is me. I am woefully outnumbered. Nothing is normal around here and then at the same time it is. We often draw attention when out in public, and I have never been one to want the spotlight shined on me (and yet I am blogging, publicly- whatever). People love to ask questions too when you are lugging small children around, and they like to ask them at the most inopportune moments, like when you're standing in the only check-out line available in the whole grocery store, or when one spawn informs you that they have to pee, or when another spawn has decided to have a tantrum, or worse, when you yourself need to pick a wedgie. Really people, can't you see I'm busy here? I mean my underwear is stuck up my ass-crack because of the juggling dance party required to keep track of these kids and you choose now to ask me the obvious and annoying question- are they twins? WTH do you think? I envy your brilliance. Really, I do. Now go away and be stupid somewhere else, cuz I don't want it rubbing off on me and my kids. Thanks. People who stare make me feel awkward, stupid people that stare annoy the piss out of me, mostly though I am just awkward and those that know me are ok with that, and if you keep reading the crap that I post maybe you will be ok with my awkwardness too. So what are you lookin' at?? huh? huh? Move along, nothing to see here folks, nothing to see... Cheers~ gonna go pour more coffee.... the cup is empty....

The rolls on the butt go flap flap flap....

Sometimes I wear stretchy pants... it's for fun. Well not really. I wear them because my ass is having a hard time fitting into anything else to be quite honest. I can grab my post-pregnancy belly-fat roll and shake at you like a wagging finger if you misbehave. Upon comparing belly-fat rolls the other day, a xco-worker of mine said... 'but you've had kids'. Oh, like what?? that makes it okay?! Fraid not sista. I do not particularly care for my stretchy pants; I find them quite unflattering and they tend to wedgie-fy themselves on a regular basis. I used to consider myself... hmmm... idk... somewhat fashionable. Based on further review though... I find that I have morphed into a somewhat frumpy, non-make-up-wearing, pony-tail sporting, stretchy-pant wearing shell of myself. It's a bit painful to look at to be quite honest. Sure, I have kids, but lots of women have kids and they look great. What gives? oh yea... that's right... they have kids, unlimited funds, and apparently like exercise. While I myself absolutely abhor exercise. Evil thing. Sweating? Really? Yuck! No thank you. And my other problem... I like to eat. I eat all the things (shout out to hyperbole-and-a-half there). I am currently compulsively collecting recipes to hoard in my too tiny, near-to-bursting recipe cabinet. Yes, an entire cabinet full of fabulous recipes that even if I used one for each meal everyday, I would never run out of new recipes... not in my lifetime anyway. But that is fodder for another blog I suppose....

So where does this leave me and my spandex-wearing self-pitying self? SOL... yea that's what I said... SOL. I'm gonna eat, and not exercise, and hug my belly-fat roll around me to keep me warm at night and that is that.